Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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