she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
