Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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