Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
