you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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