So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
