dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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