i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
