Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
