Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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