maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
