We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
