Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
