hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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