miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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