I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
