You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
