She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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