these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This baby is an asshole
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
FUCK WHALES
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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