Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
