No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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