Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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