Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
