did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
