your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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