life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
