He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
