dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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