Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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