I am puke
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
