these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
