I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
