I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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