i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
