I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
