I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
