with your own penis?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
