Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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