I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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