I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
