She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
