I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
