I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
