So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
