dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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