you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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