peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am midnight drunk by noon
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
