I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
