I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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