So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
