You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
