Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
